Mental Obesity

If i ask you to recall the happiness of running fast as kids, heavy rush in pulses, and breathing fast, jumping over the walls and injuries i don’t care, rugged dress, dusty shoes, smile and laugh, so fast … this is a typical childhood. Free from all obesity, physical and mental.

People think me being so obsessed with criticism and sometimes i feel so. May be in coming days i will contradict my ideas, so is happening so far. But this is fun crystallizing your thoughts in words.

This assignment is of a new kind. I am asked sometimes for my opinion over people, in the team where i work. How and what and the asking authorities tries to peep in my head, just to decide their next moves to control people, since controlling people is attributed as an act of managerial skill. I have a basic question, “How can you control something which is not in your control now”? And most of them do not understand the control system. This is equally applicable to machines and humans. This is where i think engineering as a discipline and the importance of having a good academic background. And a second question, just since i have liberty over blogs to ask, “What positive qualities do you have, which inspire people to change”?

Obesity is a characteristic of inefficient control system. Input translates to output and some residual. If the system design do not have a proper proportion of control machinery to adjust the input output ratio, the harmony of input, output and residual brings bizarre results. Obesity is one of the abnormalities.

This is same like eating habit. The desire to taste and satisfy hunger, when fueled by the food business, gives rise to the delicious pizzas, burgers and it attracts. The profit oriented industry continuously exploits the weak human vulnerability to eat more delicious, more and more. Work culture now a days do not make the input getting processed so well and results in the disfigured abnormal shapes. We call obesity. This is not only linked with the tangible, discrete items we take, however intangible desires as well.

Similarly the mental obesity starts with our growing experience in system, people and processes. We adjust ourselves and design a secure shell around, which we do not want to break. Keeping most of the times our mind discussing only people and events. The idea shower deprived field of mind develops weeds, unnecessary herbs and shrubs. This is default system behavior. Your mind is like an open field, if you will not plant flowers, weeds will grow.

These weeds are stubborn, and made strong over the times. The fencing of pride, anger and prejudice never allows external agents to cut it through and make space for healthy ideas. I see this as an obesity and is worst of its kind.

In my College Days Part1

It is hard to recall the day one of my engineering class. What i remember the day when our id photo was being taken. The class tried hard to make me laugh, but they failed. I was serious, and making me smile was much serious affair.

Being internal to jamia was a matter of privilege. I was not a foreigner. I had the famous chicken biryani at campus canteen when i was in 11th and 12th standard. That time in year 1999-2001 going in the engineering campus was a confident affair. I felt proud and thought this place to be as granted. I knew, somehow the gut feeling, that i will someday be in the faculty.

I was in love with physics, was dreaming IIT, but happened to be the Devdas of tragedies. My love to the subject didn’t proved me to pursue the fate with IIT. I settled in Jamia. This was somehow planned or i don’t know.

I escaped the ragging sessions. I had a reputation of being a topper in school. Most of the internals knew me. Some guys wanted to have a ragging session, however i said a confident NO, INTERNAL and it worked. I was disappointed watching sick mentality where both seniors and juniors enjoy the stupid ragging sessions. I hold my position as against to these madness. Interaction and familiarity should come at the cost of virtues.

I am contradicting to some of my old beliefs. Life bring changes and our thoughts are challenged. So it impacts the way we believe in things. I had some of the setbacks in my life and the cruel tortures of poverty, instabilities and more had hardened me. This was hard for me to smile, laugh and play with my classmates. They were still kids playing and enjoying. I was like a 40+ trapped inside. My sense of friendship, fun, entertainment, study and interaction were not compatible with the most.

There was a sense of superiority and inferiority complex in me at the same time. I had my own pace of studying. I never had the fast food sessions of classes and exams. This developed a critic inside me. I didn’t liked teachers doing a copy and paste work on blackboard. Ego and prejudice. I was not experiencing engineering rather a race to get ahead. To keep teachers happy and score more. Somehow i drifted big time. The vacuum was created in me, which developed two simultaneous forces. Sometimes i feel confident good and worth, on the same time somewhat inferior, unstable, insecure. And then i started hating the teachers and worked my own way.

My friend Zahoor was not with me. I knew Mozahir. Mozahir was my lab mate in school science labs. In class 12th i was reckless and developed a good bonding with Mozahir. The common interest were ofcourse movies and computers. I loved doing windows installation and troubleshooting drivers issue. How insane? So in engineering class as well we started playing together. There was a force in me to show off and outshine, like i wanted to score more, but was not habitual to so fast pace memorization, quick prompt, and metropolitan culture of teacher student relationship. I was slow and firm, and scored less.

I had a bicycle since my school in Jamia. Shakeel bhai used to have the one in AMU and so i wanted to have. When i topped in 11th class i asked Abbu and he didn’t resisted. I got the cycle. I go the engineering class with my cycle. This was quite satisfying having Aaloo patties in faculty canteen. Missing first class and then roaming around mostly. My coaching business was in peak. I had become a famous Physics tutor in locality. My confidence come from my ability to materialize my knowledge. This made me to hate copy cat teachers in faculty more. At the end this was all about just score to pass, no matter how much i get.

So, first two years were without knowing how to operate a mobile phone, i was doing electronics and communication engineering. I got my first mobile phone in June 2003, this was Nokia 3315. This was for 4000 INR. I was very happy. I got a hutch connection and there was an offer, 198 rs talktime in 200 rs. I called home talked Abbujaan and played snake endless time. When i went home in Eid, people were mesmerized in sleeper calss watching me playing mobile snake game. Those days mobile phone for middle class in Bihar was a luxury.

So back in class there were different groups. Intelligent, Studious, Mediocre, Backbenchers, Famous, Heroes, Villians, forgottens etc. I do not know where did i belonged? I was least interested in class. Slowly i lost my passion in being a performer and focused on my teaching skills. Established my coaching well, earned appreciable money and didn’t managed it. I spent all. I was not saving oriented then. In class i was making a self competition with some bright guys just to prove my knowledge or getting ahead of them, but this was not my piece of cake, i was not up to. I always failed to perform in academics.

There were some subjects where i excelled and loved to study. Engineering physics, thermodynamics, EMFT, communication and digital circuits theory. Mostly since their nature was more physics oriented and i got good teachers who explained the subject well. I was always in the search of finding patterns, methods, and formulating procedures to solve problems. Subjects where i fail to establish a structured way to solve problems, was where i never performed, like microelectronics and analog circuits.

Shore vs Site

Problems and solutions are the two faces of an opportunity. If we realize this we call it opportunity, else we keep discussing problems. Problems. We say problems are due to people, system and related association with other things. However this is not the case.

Management, when fails to put the process in place, associate the lack of process with people’s ability. Often they say “why this is not happening?”, “why our guys are not doing this?”, “when these people will understand?”. Whenever we associate problems with people, we do not think of solutions, we just wanted to escape or get a feeling of making ourselves not the part of same junk. If we really want to have solution, we must think of concepts, ideas and crystallizing a process. Of course a charismatic leadership, which can make things happen.

This war is not new. Indians have never been united. Since long we are enjoying the hatred. We develop questions in our mind based on people and events. We generate answers ourselves. In our thoughts only we germinated the seeds for differences, animosity, hatred, prejudice and bias. We say those are Punjabi, Marathi and so and so. They are like this and they do like that. This is why the problem is.

The gravity of impotence never allow incompetent people to think beyond people and event. They will never discuss ideas.

Also, we compare. Look to those, how they are united? If we think negative, no one can help. Negative thinking will never appreciate good qualities to others. It always hide its own inefficiency by coining superficial allegations to others. This have no base. Out of the junk mind box, we take some garbage out, play with it and think we are smart, really?

All this gives birth to politics. People politics. I call it the prostitution hub for incompetent people. These guys think, do and act to people and events. They do work and are afraid of their own existence. First they will think of their own self, and if it suits they will custom tailor anything. This is how India is, and the Indians. Can you sense the creativity? The heat of hatred and insecurity have done the thermodynamic job, and they are just the copy cats, sometimes copying Hollywood shits, phrases and interested in Hindi abusive languages.

At shore it looks good, we enjoy the beautiful sea and walk enjoying breeze. At site they are the same people. Now they get more opportunity to discuss. The time space factor has just increased the factor of their qualities. Same people both side discussing same thing, however vectors points to each other. Who can break? Still the darkness need a torch-bearer to enlighten. Otherwise i wish if somehow these guys didn’t existed at first place.

I think may be i am going way beyond in assessing the situation, and why should i be so indulged in thinking. Anyway if i am also not doing a step to bring an impact, i am the same. But i know they will not buy the idea.

So, if you want to demolish china wall, you need big bulldozers. Cursing Chinese, appreciating wall and ordering thousands of people to push the wall will never help. Are you ready for bulldozers?